Bewildered By... The Stars

Recently I have been bewildered and incredibly interested by "the stars". Any and all mysterious things relating to: Astrology, Tarot, Mediums, Clairvoyants, Ghosts, the Afterlife, you name it, it's caught my interest. On an odd and probably unrelated note, I've also been quite fascinated by the stars in space, and have followed NASA on my Twitter feed just to see the incredible photos from space. They are truly amazing!

Today's bewildering thought runs in two related directions. Two weeks ago my horoscope was oddly specific and said I would meet a man and not to immediately dismiss him based on first impressions, such as the way he looks or speaks or something he says that I don't necessarily agree with. To do so would mean possibly passing on the chance to meet the "love of my life".Seriously, that's what it said! So I decided to be more open minded and less judgmental, always a good thing to strive for anyway, right? Well, the only man who's even come close to showing any interest was a bar troll in the restaurant where I work. Serious. Bar. Troll. He looks like a drunken elf, smells like an ashtray and must be 70 years old if he's a day. He asked me out twice then had one of the servers come find his "sweetheart" as he now calls me and proceeded to ask me out again. Then two nights later he came in and asked me out again and proceeded to tell my boss that he had a crush on me. Oh for heaven's sake! I'm all for being open minded but I am 43 years old and I do possess a modicum of self esteem. I actually think I'm kinda cute! I have a decent job, a new car and a nice apartment. I'm really quite the catch, even if I do say so myself. I don't give a rip what the horoscope says, I am not going out with a little old man who follows me around the restaurant making a pest of himself. To be brutally honest, as I seem to be of late, I can do better. I do not want to go on even one date with a man that I would be embarrassed to be seen with. If that makes me shallow, then so be it, I'm shallow.

The other part of this equation is the fact that I have had a crush myself, for at least a year, on a man who doesn't really show any interest in me at all. We work together so I want to believe that he's just to smart to mix business with pleasure. When he first started working there I didn't like him at all and the predominant rumor about him is that he's gay. I don't think he is. I asked him and he said he's not. Yes, I just straight up asked. I'm not sure exactly when I fell for him but I remember exactly when I realized I had. Last year's Christmas party was at a bowling alley and I spent the better part of the evening watching the door, but with no idea why. I figured it was some kind of paranoia, being in public in an unfamiliar place in this small town, those are the exact moments when I get blindsided by FOTY or someone he knows. But no, when he walked in the door I thought, "there you are, finally". Well imagine my own surprise by that thought! Shortly after that we decided to leave and he was standing by the spot where I had left my shoes so I said hello and thought, "sure now you show up, just as I'm ready to leave." I never let on until I attended a going away party for my boss and had a few too many drinks. After that everybody knew. Restaurants are worse than Spanish telenovellas for gossip and drama. So he knows. He's known since June and hasn't acted on it. He's gotten friendlier and more playful at work but that's the extent of it.

So here I sit, no love interest, no prospects, planning to move to the other side of the country in just a matter of months. I can't help but wonder: by not being the aggressor and really "going for it" am I possibly passing on the chance to meet the "love of my life"? Am I wasting precious time waiting for this shy man to make his move or get over the stigma of mixing business and pleasure? Or am I dodging a bullet because meeting the man of my dreams would surely put a crimp in my life plans and plans to move? I do know one thing, I deleted the horoscope app. with the startlingly specific info. that had me opening my mind for Prince Charming after the "stars" sent me a bar troll in his place.